Top class public speaker available for hire!

Last weekend was the Nuffield Winter Conference, where all the brightest and best young minds in British agriculture go to present there hard written reports for 'peer review'. The rest of us went for the beer and to catch up with our mates!

Two full days of sitting listening to other scholar reports gave time for my nerves to build up to a level similar to a fifteen year old boy on a promise. I had decided to approach the event with a less technical, lighter presentation, as I thought most people would be out to impress with deeply intelligent, well considered and balanced reports. Obviously that path was not open to me, so I had to rely on my good looks and charm (not my strongest points either to be fair, so i was kind of out on a limb) In the end I settled for humour to make me stand out. After much care full thought I left out most of the knob jokes and all but one of the terrible puns.

Unfortunately Mrs G had found something more important to do, rather than attend my presentation. When I spoke to her before I left she said something about being busy alphabetising our DVD collection.

Before I knew it I had given my report, and sat back down to thunderous applause, probably caused by the cessation of my pain causing puns, or because it was very close to lunch time, i am not sure which but my ego lapped it up all the same.

if anyone is interested they can view my full report at http://www.nuffieldinternational.org/reports/report.php

Just to boost my ego my report was 'Highly Commended' unfortunately this does not come with a life changing cash prize, or the sort of public accolade that leads attractive girls to throw there underwear at me in the street and beg me to ravish them. However again, the ego accepted it and was duly boosted.

Back in the real world, my grain trading career has yet to reap me a British bank busting bonus, (about 35p i would imagine) however I have just submitted my first ever expenses claim form. I don't have illusions to political office, but if I ever did I feel very confident now about my expense form filling skills not letting the side down.