Am I the only one who thinks that Sam Mitchell on Eastenders is a really weird looking women? I don't know why people keep going on about how beautiful she is, to be fair there are much better looking women on Eastenders. Although the Totty standard has dropped in recent years. Gone are the halycon days of Dawn Swan. Tanya Branning is the only remaining eye candy worth noting (I don't count the Mitchell sisters - they are not the Duckman type) and then Tanya is only really a 7/10 on the best of days. But I am jaded, ever since 'Dee' (they never found the body - how did that work, she had a fine pair of built in life preservers?) drowned in neighbours, no other soap opera babe has been able to compare. I live in hope.
I visited a farm today that was storing about 3,ooo tonnes of rice. it was kept in one big heap on a shed floor. this was then being processed and will end up in Uncle Bens and supermarket own boxes all over the country. It was very impressive. But I couldn't help thinking that it could feed a lot of people in the third world for a long time, but sadly a lot of it would end up being chucked in a bin. Do you realise that we waste about 40% of the food we produce in this country? when you see a pile of food big enough to literally ski down it puts things in perspective.
Monday, 16 November 2009
Sunday, 15 November 2009
November 15th
Have you ever heard the saying that its the second mouse that gets the cheese? well, I have been the first mouse several times. Obviously I am speaking metaphorically, otherwise I would be dead. Maybe I didn't learn my lesson well enough first time? or am I just thick? - maybe its a combination of the two? answers on a postcard please!
Those of you that know me will know that I have been rather unfortunate with my last two business ventures, and that since then my confidence has taken rather a big hit. However I am now starting to feel my self belief returning just a tinsy bit, the clouds of self pity are starting to clear.
But this time I will not be that first mouse. On a side note, when I was trying to catch a particularly noisy mouse I used mars bars as bait after several weeks using cheese, they seemed to prefer that. Then I discovered that they like peanut butter just as much which was good as I ate the mars bars. Frankly its a bit stereotypical that mice like cheese, this is the naughties and mice have more metropolitan tastes now.
I guess you are wondering what my idea is? keep reading my blog to find out!
Those of you that know me will know that I have been rather unfortunate with my last two business ventures, and that since then my confidence has taken rather a big hit. However I am now starting to feel my self belief returning just a tinsy bit, the clouds of self pity are starting to clear.
But this time I will not be that first mouse. On a side note, when I was trying to catch a particularly noisy mouse I used mars bars as bait after several weeks using cheese, they seemed to prefer that. Then I discovered that they like peanut butter just as much which was good as I ate the mars bars. Frankly its a bit stereotypical that mice like cheese, this is the naughties and mice have more metropolitan tastes now.
I guess you are wondering what my idea is? keep reading my blog to find out!
Thursday, 5 November 2009
Im Pooped!
I am as knacked as a small worm at coffee break time after a busy morning dodging the early bird.
In the last four weeks I have worked an average 75 hour week, with the exception of two days at the Nuffield conference where I had the undescribable pleasure of a 7.30 lay in. However even this minor relief was stolen from me by late nights in the bar and 4 hour drive either way!
But I cannot complain, there are many people worse off than me. I still have my looks, wit and charm. Actually, putting it like that I am in the proverbial!
I am looking forward to the weekend. Its my eldest sons (Master G) 8th birthday on Sunday. Wow. It is amazing how the time has flown by! a couple of weeks after that it is Mrs G's and i's 9th wedding anniversary. Ideas for romantic surprises will be gratefully received. don't let your suggestions be hampered by thoughts of the credit crunch. Just remember that I am a cheapskate!
Now I have completed my Nuffield Scholarship report and presentation I am a little unsure where to go from here. How do I develop this further? I don't want to put the report in the drawer and forget about it. maybe a sideline in agricultural motivational speaking?
In the last four weeks I have worked an average 75 hour week, with the exception of two days at the Nuffield conference where I had the undescribable pleasure of a 7.30 lay in. However even this minor relief was stolen from me by late nights in the bar and 4 hour drive either way!
But I cannot complain, there are many people worse off than me. I still have my looks, wit and charm. Actually, putting it like that I am in the proverbial!
I am looking forward to the weekend. Its my eldest sons (Master G) 8th birthday on Sunday. Wow. It is amazing how the time has flown by! a couple of weeks after that it is Mrs G's and i's 9th wedding anniversary. Ideas for romantic surprises will be gratefully received. don't let your suggestions be hampered by thoughts of the credit crunch. Just remember that I am a cheapskate!
Now I have completed my Nuffield Scholarship report and presentation I am a little unsure where to go from here. How do I develop this further? I don't want to put the report in the drawer and forget about it. maybe a sideline in agricultural motivational speaking?
Tuesday, 3 November 2009
Top class public speaker available for hire!
Last weekend was the Nuffield Winter Conference, where all the brightest and best young minds in British agriculture go to present there hard written reports for 'peer review'. The rest of us went for the beer and to catch up with our mates!
Two full days of sitting listening to other scholar reports gave time for my nerves to build up to a level similar to a fifteen year old boy on a promise. I had decided to approach the event with a less technical, lighter presentation, as I thought most people would be out to impress with deeply intelligent, well considered and balanced reports. Obviously that path was not open to me, so I had to rely on my good looks and charm (not my strongest points either to be fair, so i was kind of out on a limb) In the end I settled for humour to make me stand out. After much care full thought I left out most of the knob jokes and all but one of the terrible puns.
Unfortunately Mrs G had found something more important to do, rather than attend my presentation. When I spoke to her before I left she said something about being busy alphabetising our DVD collection.
Before I knew it I had given my report, and sat back down to thunderous applause, probably caused by the cessation of my pain causing puns, or because it was very close to lunch time, i am not sure which but my ego lapped it up all the same.
if anyone is interested they can view my full report at http://www.nuffieldinternational.org/reports/report.php
Just to boost my ego my report was 'Highly Commended' unfortunately this does not come with a life changing cash prize, or the sort of public accolade that leads attractive girls to throw there underwear at me in the street and beg me to ravish them. However again, the ego accepted it and was duly boosted.
Back in the real world, my grain trading career has yet to reap me a British bank busting bonus, (about 35p i would imagine) however I have just submitted my first ever expenses claim form. I don't have illusions to political office, but if I ever did I feel very confident now about my expense form filling skills not letting the side down.
Two full days of sitting listening to other scholar reports gave time for my nerves to build up to a level similar to a fifteen year old boy on a promise. I had decided to approach the event with a less technical, lighter presentation, as I thought most people would be out to impress with deeply intelligent, well considered and balanced reports. Obviously that path was not open to me, so I had to rely on my good looks and charm (not my strongest points either to be fair, so i was kind of out on a limb) In the end I settled for humour to make me stand out. After much care full thought I left out most of the knob jokes and all but one of the terrible puns.
Unfortunately Mrs G had found something more important to do, rather than attend my presentation. When I spoke to her before I left she said something about being busy alphabetising our DVD collection.
Before I knew it I had given my report, and sat back down to thunderous applause, probably caused by the cessation of my pain causing puns, or because it was very close to lunch time, i am not sure which but my ego lapped it up all the same.
if anyone is interested they can view my full report at http://www.nuffieldinternational.org/reports/report.php
Just to boost my ego my report was 'Highly Commended' unfortunately this does not come with a life changing cash prize, or the sort of public accolade that leads attractive girls to throw there underwear at me in the street and beg me to ravish them. However again, the ego accepted it and was duly boosted.
Back in the real world, my grain trading career has yet to reap me a British bank busting bonus, (about 35p i would imagine) however I have just submitted my first ever expenses claim form. I don't have illusions to political office, but if I ever did I feel very confident now about my expense form filling skills not letting the side down.
Friday, 16 October 2009
Random meaningless title
The Duckman is now an office boy. But I guess that except for some special interest groups, an 'Office Boy Diaries' would not be a very exciting blog!
I hope not to be an office boy for too long, as once I am trained a large proportion of my new job will be out of the office and on farms dealing direct with farmers, building relationships (not 'Office Boy' special interest type of relationships) but trading relations with farmers, purchasing there hard won produce. So if you farm in Royston, Thetford or the Colchester area you will be receiving a introduction letter from me and then if you are unlucky a visit.
Lots has happened since my last blog, which I appreciate was back in the dim, dark past. Happy days when the pound was strong and MP's where honourable and true. Well maybe not that long ago! Anyway, I have been fishing to France at least once since last blogging. Which was great for me, not so great for Mrs G, and even less great for the Carp.
I have to give my big Nuffield Presentation in a couple of weeks to the whole Nuffield organisation at the annual Nuffield Winter Conference. So far my speech notes consist of reading out my study title and a couple of knob jokes. I am working on padding it out a bit but I have run out of knob jokes. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
We now have two new additions to the family. They are small furry and very energetic. before you start wondering why we have Welsh miners living in our house, I should point out that these are in fact Guinea Pigs. I bought for little Miss G's 4th birthday a couple of weeks ago. I am open to new culinary experiences and am very keen to delve into the unexplored world of Peruvian cuisine, but I really cannot see the piglets (as I affectionately call them) tasting that good, way too boney.
I hope not to be an office boy for too long, as once I am trained a large proportion of my new job will be out of the office and on farms dealing direct with farmers, building relationships (not 'Office Boy' special interest type of relationships) but trading relations with farmers, purchasing there hard won produce. So if you farm in Royston, Thetford or the Colchester area you will be receiving a introduction letter from me and then if you are unlucky a visit.
Lots has happened since my last blog, which I appreciate was back in the dim, dark past. Happy days when the pound was strong and MP's where honourable and true. Well maybe not that long ago! Anyway, I have been fishing to France at least once since last blogging. Which was great for me, not so great for Mrs G, and even less great for the Carp.
I have to give my big Nuffield Presentation in a couple of weeks to the whole Nuffield organisation at the annual Nuffield Winter Conference. So far my speech notes consist of reading out my study title and a couple of knob jokes. I am working on padding it out a bit but I have run out of knob jokes. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
We now have two new additions to the family. They are small furry and very energetic. before you start wondering why we have Welsh miners living in our house, I should point out that these are in fact Guinea Pigs. I bought for little Miss G's 4th birthday a couple of weeks ago. I am open to new culinary experiences and am very keen to delve into the unexplored world of Peruvian cuisine, but I really cannot see the piglets (as I affectionately call them) tasting that good, way too boney.
Friday, 4 September 2009
friday feeling!
Its been a while since I last blogged. I apologise to my reader, (sorry mum).
Busyness has been happening. I have been offered a job after three interviews, which i have accepted. The general opinion is that I will hate working. but I am not so sure. I think it will be nice to let someone else do the worrying for a while. The position is as a farm grain trader, buying crops from farmers on behalf of a trading firm. We will see how it goes! I will keep you informed.
I will still be the duck man, in fact if we get the planning application I have processing at the moment we will have more ducks than ever, with the capacity to produce 90,000 birds a year.
in my personal, non-business life Mrs G and I have bought bikes. This is with the aim of keeping fit. I managed a 5 mile cycle Wednesday. I must be honest and say that it nearly killed me. I had to stop twice to catch my breath and rest my wobbly legs. I was a little disappointed as I had not Even got out of the front drive by that point. All I can say is that improvement should be swift. I have decided that living on top of a hill is not great for a budding cyclist. The fun part (downhill) is at the start when you are fresh and (relatively) fit. the rubbish bit uphill is reserved for the final leg home when you are just a hairs breadth short of cardiac arrest. also the last leg of the journey is the busiest bit with cars hooting at me (mainly due to my shorts keep riding down revealing a little too much of my tidy whiteys). I need to get some proper cycling shorts, not for comfort but to avoid causing a major accident.
Busyness has been happening. I have been offered a job after three interviews, which i have accepted. The general opinion is that I will hate working. but I am not so sure. I think it will be nice to let someone else do the worrying for a while. The position is as a farm grain trader, buying crops from farmers on behalf of a trading firm. We will see how it goes! I will keep you informed.
I will still be the duck man, in fact if we get the planning application I have processing at the moment we will have more ducks than ever, with the capacity to produce 90,000 birds a year.
in my personal, non-business life Mrs G and I have bought bikes. This is with the aim of keeping fit. I managed a 5 mile cycle Wednesday. I must be honest and say that it nearly killed me. I had to stop twice to catch my breath and rest my wobbly legs. I was a little disappointed as I had not Even got out of the front drive by that point. All I can say is that improvement should be swift. I have decided that living on top of a hill is not great for a budding cyclist. The fun part (downhill) is at the start when you are fresh and (relatively) fit. the rubbish bit uphill is reserved for the final leg home when you are just a hairs breadth short of cardiac arrest. also the last leg of the journey is the busiest bit with cars hooting at me (mainly due to my shorts keep riding down revealing a little too much of my tidy whiteys). I need to get some proper cycling shorts, not for comfort but to avoid causing a major accident.
Wednesday, 26 August 2009
Sorting the junk
Mrs G has told me to write about how great and understanding she is in letting me go fishing in France again. I have done it Mrs G, stop hitting me now! one day i will tell you the story of when she stabbed me. But not today.
To give me a chance to raise my marital Karma levels (which must be fairly low I reckon) Mrs G offered me the opportunity to spend the day filling a skip she had ordered for tidying the garden and immediate house surroundings. I was under threat of death that I was not to put any farm waste into the skip, just house stuff. I was absolutely amazed at the amount of junk I found lying around. to add to my fun I got out my old oil drum incinerator and burnt any flammable waste, obviously only waste for which I had a waste exemption licence to burn (just in case any EA officials are reading) smashing up junk and burning it is a great way of releasing pent up frustration. There must be a way of marketing it, I just have to think of one!
I must say I got a little worried when the 20ft flames where licking the wooden trellis/archway above our garden wall. Everybody including myself got very worried after the third massive explosion, even Mrs G was worried, it must be said that Mrs G is normally rather indifferent to any personal injury I may cause myself. It turns out that it wasnt the rapture signalling the end of the world but that I had accidentally put a bag containing a pigeon scaring 'Thunder Rope' onto the fire, there was three major explosions followed by about a dozen smaller bangs (which I guess was shotgun cartridges). My ears have been ringing ever since.
I could draw a deep and meaningful theological conclusion about sorting out our live by getting an 'emotional skip' in, but I wont as that would be boring.
To give me a chance to raise my marital Karma levels (which must be fairly low I reckon) Mrs G offered me the opportunity to spend the day filling a skip she had ordered for tidying the garden and immediate house surroundings. I was under threat of death that I was not to put any farm waste into the skip, just house stuff. I was absolutely amazed at the amount of junk I found lying around. to add to my fun I got out my old oil drum incinerator and burnt any flammable waste, obviously only waste for which I had a waste exemption licence to burn (just in case any EA officials are reading) smashing up junk and burning it is a great way of releasing pent up frustration. There must be a way of marketing it, I just have to think of one!
I must say I got a little worried when the 20ft flames where licking the wooden trellis/archway above our garden wall. Everybody including myself got very worried after the third massive explosion, even Mrs G was worried, it must be said that Mrs G is normally rather indifferent to any personal injury I may cause myself. It turns out that it wasnt the rapture signalling the end of the world but that I had accidentally put a bag containing a pigeon scaring 'Thunder Rope' onto the fire, there was three major explosions followed by about a dozen smaller bangs (which I guess was shotgun cartridges). My ears have been ringing ever since.
I could draw a deep and meaningful theological conclusion about sorting out our live by getting an 'emotional skip' in, but I wont as that would be boring.
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