S & M on valentines!

Mrs G went all out this year and bought me a M & S special offer three course 'dine in' meal for our romantic valentines meal albeit a day early.

Being slightly dyslexic I got rather excited when I saw her Facebook status while i was at work on friday, I did not know what a S & M dinner was, something kinky with whips and rubber outfits I thought! however, I was not disappointed even though my treat did not involve any nudity, which in hindsight may have put Mrs G off her supper. As a general rule in life the only nuts I enjoy being whipped are walnuts.

Somehow I managed to put my back out Friday being driven round a rather rough farm next to Luton airport and I have been in stunning pain ever since. a trip to Sainsburys Saturday morning yielded every pack of 'stick on' heat pads they had. The pack recommendation states 'one pad to be applied to the painfull area for a maximum of ten hours in any 24 hour period' I am on my sixth today and have started applying them two at a time, I don't think anyone has ever died of overdosing on heat pads. I also got a large tube of deep heat and some Neurofen. a friend of mine uses deep heat when on long fishing trips as he suffers from a bad back when camping, though the whimper of pain I heard coming out of his bivvy (tent) one night suggested that traces of deep heat on your hands while reading a Playboy magazine is not a pleasant combination. Though he did not complain of the cold much after that.

A bad back is not condusive to a romantic valentines evening though after a bottle of fizzy pink Carver, a half bottle of rose we found in the back of the fridge and a couple extra heat pads on my back, the pain had been sufficiently aneasitised to allow me to have a romantic evening with Mrs G. I cant help wondering though what the S & M dinner would have been like....

back after a break!

It has been commented to me today that since I joined the grain buying trade four months ago, the market has completely collapsed, with the average value of wheat dropping by around £10/tonne.

While I don't think the market collapse can be laid entirely at my door, I think the general opinion is that I am actually a rubbish farm trader. my ability to persuade farmers to part with there hard grown crops is almost as good as my ability to grow Tilapia fish, or generate a satisfied livery customer (or wife, Mrs G is screaming at me). However I am learning. I know far more about the grain business than I did six months ago, which is not surprising as I knew next to nothing back then, now I know next to, next to nothing which is an improvement I suppose.

I have been doing some public speaking, Nuffield talks and the like. I thought in order to prepare for the talks I would do some warm-up presentations, so I went down to the local old peoples home to practise my jokes and improve my technique. my first talk to the old biddys went quite well, admittedly nobody laughed, but they all pissed themselves anyway!

(pause for laughter)

they dont get any better than that do they?!

Mrs G and I took the kids to Centreparcs for a long weekend a couple of weeks ago. four days of fun, laughter and quality time with the kids.

Centreparcs offers a massive variety of activities swimming, bowling, quad biking and all sorts of exciting stuff. so what do my kids want to do? get out in the fresh air and enjoy the thrilling sports? no. they opt to stay in the villa and chuck up all weekend. that's life eh!

So then, who did kill Archie Mitchel? my money is on young Dottie Cotton, just a hunch. Hopefully a better hunch than my deciding not to sell my wheat at £105/tonne three months ago thinking the price was bound to go up....